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Do you get upset if your husband masturbates?

Discussion in 'Sex & Sexual Health' started by short.cake, Oct 7, 2015.

  1. rz3300

    rz3300 Junior Researcher

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    I am pretty sure that this is an issue that most couples deal with, in some way or another, and I would have to say that it is just one of those things that will happen and it is better if you can talk about it and have an open discussion. Of course that is often easier said than done in most cases, but if that can be the case then I would bet that it is better than the opposite.
     
  2. MichelleVL

    MichelleVL Member

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    Oh wow Linda Burroughs, that is a tough question. It can be so tough to get through to closed-minded people, or those dead set in their ways. He sounds like a little macho, like he would feel maybe less of a man because he can't satisfy you with penetration alone. If approaching the subject honestly hasn't helped them maybe you can fib (maybe get into his mind) a little and make sound like it's more of a YOU problem (even though it's not) than a him problem. Just come up with something along the lines of as women get "older" they need more foreplay to get aroused. You can also have him watch a talk show in which the topics of foreplay or alternative sex are discussed. That could maybe help him get better informed and you wouldn't have to breach the subject out of the blue. I hope this maybe helps a little. Like they say "you only live once", so stop being so shy and speak up. The worst he can do is either stay silent, or say no. He might not give into your wishes right away, but your wants will be working around in his mind. He'll be thinking about it. Good luck.
     
  3. pennyheart

    pennyheart Junior Researcher

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    I think the male ego is more difficult to deal with. I think your husband just doesn't like the idea that "he cannot satisfy you." Because I think, they are satisfied in bed if they can satisfy you. And if you masturbate, they think that they aren't capable of satisfying you in bed. And that can certainly hurt their ego. For me, men are more sensitive, they just don't show it.

    So I'd say that you just need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your man. Tell him how much you love him and that your masturbating doesn't mean he doesn't satisfy you anymore. I mean, who wouldn't want a woman that is game enough to stimulate herself just so her man doesn't have to do the work? Lol! If I'm a man, I'd approve of that.
     
  4. MRSP

    MRSP Junior Researcher

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    No. I don't get upset. It's just normal. And sometimes there are circumstances where he would do it. I remember when my partner (back then) worked overseas, and there was no chance for us to have some sexy time. Sometimes when we are chatting or texting, he would do the deed. (Oh my gosh! This is so embarrassing to talk about. HA!HA!) But yeah, it doesn't bother me at all.
     
  5. samanthab

    samanthab Member

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    If I had a husband, I would definitely be upset if he masturbates. The way I see it, if he has me, why would he go and do it by himself? With that being said, concerning the story you told about your friend being gone for 10 weeks, I think she is so wrong when she got upset with him for doing that, i mean he is a man!!!!!, of course he will feel needy and horny at some point, I would not be there to satisfy him, so I would prefer if he masturbates rather than him cheating on me. Also, I would never forbid him to watch porn, I only let him watch it with me as a foreplay or something like that:LOL:
     
  6. Hozyboy

    Hozyboy Member

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    I find that most women get offended when they learn that their man masturbates. They should learn that it is a common thing and should not think that they are not satisfying their partner.
     
  7. Theodore

    Theodore Member

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    Some women don't like the idea that their husband should be masturbating because this situation may seem to suggest that they are not able adequately to able to satisfy him. However, sometimes the husband is just trying to ensure that he can adequately satisfy her by using this method to seek to ensure that he does not ejaculate prematurely.
     
  8. nytegeek

    nytegeek Junior Researcher

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    Masturbation is something most people do (whether they admit it or not, whether they get upset about their partner or not) regardless of gender so getting upset about it seems just silly to me.
     
  9. toradrake

    toradrake Member

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    Heck no, I get join in or get involved with it. It is important for you and your partner to know and understand how to pleasure yourselves before you can learn to pleasure each other. It can also be a very arousing and sensual moment for the two of you to watch one another pleasure yourselves, especially when observing one another doing it or aiding in the process. Next time your partner is masturbating, ask if you can watch or reach over and kiss and fondle them while they are doing it and see what happens. You can even watch porn together while making love....
     
  10. apickett80

    apickett80 Member

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    I would be so turned on if my husband would tell me when he masturbates. He will not tell me though because he says it is a private thing. I am unsure if he even does it to be honest. I don't know why, but it just really is something that turns me on to think about him doing it. lol
     
  11. Arenas

    Arenas Member

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    It depends. I've had partners with the ones I didn't mind. Having your guy watching porn on his phone (rate my camel toe was the site XD ) while you're laying your head on his lap watching movies he chose to watch is not cool. It depends. I'm the kind of woman who is open to watch it, and that would normally always be up for it, try things... It's complicated. As long as it doesn't affect your sex life, I guess.
     
  12. pwarbi

    pwarbi Junior Researcher

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    As others have already said, I think it depends just what kind of relationship you have in the first place as to if it offends the other partner or not. Some people just realise and accept that masturbation is all part and parcel of life, and if one person sex drive is higher than the others, masturbation is going to take place. Some are open and honest about it, others know it goes on but would rather not discuss it.

    While I think that many women may not want to think about their husbands masturbating, I think most do realise that it's only natural and it's obviously far better than the man cheating with another women, so put it in that context and it's not all that bad!
     
  13. cottontail

    cottontail Member

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    There's nothing wrong when your partner do masturbate and most of you seems to be okay with that. Well for me, I don't like it when my hubby masturbates. I mean I feel useless whenever he does that though I know I shouldn't feel that way because just like what you guys have mentioned, people have different sexual desires and libidos so it's actually normal for people who are married or not to do that. In my opinion, if my hubby wants it then all he have to do is ask and I'll be glad and willingly give it to him. The way I see it, when he masturbates and I'm around, I feel that he likes doing it more than he wants to make love to me which hurts me in a way I think he won't understand :(
     
  14. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Junior Researcher

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    In all honesty, my wife seems to have lost her appetite for sex and it's only once in a blue moon that I see her getting aroused. I always wait for her signal because it is frustrating if I would make the first move and then get rejected. That's our style of relationship towards having sex, she makes the first move all the time although sometimes I make an innuendo and if she accepts then okay but if she ignores then I do not push through. And when there are times that I feel like having sex and my wife was already asleep, it is but natural to turn to masturbation to release the heat inside. And if ever my wife would know what I'm doing, I'm sure she will not have any negative feeling because she is a very understanding woman.
     
  15. biege

    biege Member

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    Masturbating is a natural thing but often leads to people thinking negatively about it. There's really nothing to be alarmed of if you see your husband or wife doing this because it doesn't only help with their sexual health it's also good for the memory--I'm sure you know what I mean by this. Don't worry girls if you see your husband doing this, unless of course you two have problems or the guy is cheating on you. Try talking to him, communication is actually good if you are curious about his sexual activities.
     
  16. Lula

    Lula Member

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    Absolutely not. It's a healthy part of a person's sexuality, and as long as porn isn't an issue for him (it isn't) and he doesn't think our sex life should mimic it (he doesn't), I see no reason to get upset. As for masturbating itself (with or without porn), that's something everyone should do and should be able to do, as it's, like I just said, healthy, and a good way to get to know yourself and your sexuality.

    I'm not in this relationship with the assumption that my spouse's penis stops working except when around me. He's free to play with it as much as he likes.
     
  17. tpicks

    tpicks Member

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    Looks not cool for a man to masturbate while the wife is right there, well it depends on how liberated the spouses are. In some clime this will be highly frowned at by the woman and could cause her some psychological trauma, thinking if she wasn't good enough for the man. I want to think this should be a matter both parties must agree to before practicing it. Personally I am against this habit.
     
  18. Nallely

    Nallely Rookie

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    Hi I hope I get a respond. Since my husband and I started dating he has stopped masturbating and watching porn cause I don't want him too. Makes me feel like I m not doing my job and can't satisfy him. I'm reading all these post and it makes sense. I'm about to talk to him today and talk him it's ok if he wants to . Then for being a chubby girl does get to me cause I do get unsecured. But so far our sex has been amazing. Anyways I just don't want the jerking off to mess up our marriage.
     
  19. Maximil5

    Maximil5 Member

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    Here's my take on this subject. Most men young to old masturbate throughout their lives for various reasons, but the older men are probably doing so as they watch porn with their fetish or turn on getting acted out. To me, this is a form of cheating on your partner, and not sharing your deepest desires with them. Couples need to be more open and open minded to be close to the ones they love and are spending their lives with! How many marriages break up when the wife finds out her man had a mistress, or visited prostitutes to get what they wanted sexually? A big percentage for sure! Why? Usually the wife rejected his fetish, or was the personality type that didn't like being adventurous in bed( and he couldn't tell her his fetish), or their sex life got so boring, he went else where. Ladies if you want to keep your man happy and satisfied, you must open your minds to other things, it's only a different form of arousal, and you might surprise yourself that doing something different will actually turn you on as well. The most common fetish today is for men to be dominated, spanked, whipped etc. By his women. It's a fact it's become the highest desired fetish in today's lifestyles. Just think of the power he's giving you! The control you'll have over him, the things you can make him do to please you. Along with this, or I should say, also included in this is pegging your man. For me when my wife has warmed my ass first, or she'll sometimes spank or cane me six to ten strokes, then penetrates me anally for a few minutes, pulls out and spanks/ canes more and so on, the arousal to us both is incredible, and the orgasms we have once she's pegging full bore and jerking me off at the same time is simply incredible.
    ( This doesn't make me gay, it's just a great feeling having your prostrate stimulated) so please don't think your man is in any way" turning gay" that's ridiculous! Most women love the feeling of power, their man makes very different sounds when being pegged, and some actually orgasm while doing it, let me tell you that if she does, it's a very erotic experience.
    Off topic here, but the bottom line is NO, don't let him pleasure himself, he's training himself to find pleasure with his fetish, not you, and to me that's a very damaging thing to allow. Instead be open, ask him what he jerks off to and why? We're all adults here, time to take control of your relationship and your man! Be the woman he dreams you would be, it's not that hard, and there are plenty of tutorials on the web on any subject. So read and learn first, practise spanking on pillows, or verbalizing in the mirror alone, then act out his fantasies. Your relationship will be stronger than you'd ever imagined it could be.
    Max
     
  20. Maximil5

    Maximil5 Member

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    Not cool at all for him to do that! If that's your pic, omg your very pretty and look great, I'd never touch myself with you around! Having the kids is a challenge, been there, done that, but you both need to get creative and find alone time, and promise each other no self pleasuring. This promotes desire to be with your partner, trust me, and you'll have great orgasms when you stay celibate for a week or more, whatever the case. Find the time, kids go to granny's or babysitter in, go to a hotel for a couple hours! Do it!
    Max
     
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